Family Conversation Resources

Below are talking points and resources designed to help parents/guardians discuss violence with their children, whether addressing community issues, news events or incidents within the school. 

1. Create a safe space for questions: Begin by inviting your child to share any questions or concerns they may have. Listen attentively, validate their feelings and avoid dismissing or minimizing their worries.
2. Explain what happened in simple, honest terms: Keep explanations age-appropriate. Young children may only need basic facts, while older children can understand more details. Avoid graphic details, but be honest, as children can sense when information is withheld, which may increase anxiety.
3. Reassure their safety: Emphasize the protective measures in place at school, home and in the community. Explain that many adults, like teachers, police officers and community leaders are dedicated to keeping everyone safe.
4. Encourage open discussion of emotions: Let children know it’s normal to feel upset, confused, angry or even scared. Share strategies to help manage these feelings, such as deep breathing, talking to someone or journaling.
5. Empower them with positive actions: For older children, discuss how they can help create a positive, respectful environment at school. Encourage empathy, kindness and reporting any issues to trusted adults.
6. Limit exposure to violent media: Monitor news and social media consumption, as too much exposure can increase stress and anxiety. Instead, offer age-appropriate information and context in a way that they can understand.
7. Encourage resilience and problem-solving: Discuss practical ways to cope, like focusing on their favorite activities, staying connected with friends or practicing mindfulness. 
8. Watch for physical and behavioral symptoms of stress: headaches, stomachaches, increased arguing, irritability, trouble sleeping or eating, loss of concentration, nightmares, withdrawal, refusal to go to school or clingy behavior. These could be signs that a child is distressed even if they’re not talking about it.
9. Ask for help: If you think your student may not be reacting well to the tragedy/incident, seek additional resources, such as the help of a school counselor, family doctor or local mental health professional.

Additional Resources:

• San Juan Unified: District Services & Care Solace Referral Service
• CDC: Helping Children Cope with Emergencies
• National Association of School Psychologists: Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers
• PBS: Helping Kids Deal with Scary News

Below are talking points and resources designed to help parents/guardians have productive conversations with their children about online safety and responsible online behavior. 

Set the tone for open communication

• Reassure your child that they can come to you if they feel uncomfortable or if they make a mistake online.
• Encourage questions about online interactions and be ready to listen without immediate judgment or punishment, to foster trust.

Explain the importance of privacy

• Teach children not to share personal information online, such as their full name, home address, phone number, school name or photos without permission.
• Explain that even "private" messages can sometimes be shared or seen by others, so it’s important to be cautious.

Set boundaries for device use

• Establish family rules around screen time, device use in specific areas of the home, and social media access based on your child's age and maturity level.
• Encourage balanced use by making time for offline activities, like sports, hobbies and family time.

Teach respect and kindness online

• Reinforce that the same kindness and respect they show in real life should apply online, including refraining from bullying, spreading rumors, or making mean comments.
• Discuss the concept of a "digital footprint," explaining how online actions and posts can have lasting consequences.

Talk about stranger interactions and scams

• Remind children not to accept friend requests or messages from strangers, as some people online may have harmful intentions.
• Teach them how to recognize and avoid scams, such as clicking on unknown links, sharing passwords, or giving out personal information to strangers.

Explain the risks of sharing photos and videos

• Discuss what’s appropriate to share and what’s not, emphasizing that once something is online, it can be difficult to remove.
• For older kids, discuss the risks of sharing private images or participating in “challenges” that could be dangerous.

Encourage critical thinking and media literacy

• Teach children to think critically about the information they encounter online. Encourage them to question the reliability of what they read and identify misinformation.
• Explain how ads and influencers work online, helping them understand when they’re being targeted by marketing.

Model good online behavior

• Show your child what responsible digital citizenship looks like by modeling it yourself. Share appropriate photos, use respectful language, and avoid oversharing personal information.

Additional Resources:

• Common Sense Media: Parent Guide to Internet Safety
• Netsmartz (National Center for Missing and Exploited Children): Online Safety Education Program
• ConnectSafely: Parent Guides for Social Media Platforms
• StopBullying.gov: Resources for Parents
• Internet Matters: Internet Safety for Kids by Age
• FBI Safe Online Surfing Program: SOS Program for Schools and Families
• Google: Be Internet Awesome Curriculum

Below are talking points and resources designed to help parents/guardians when discussing death and grief with children.

Be honest and use clear, simple language

• Use straightforward words like "died" and "death," avoiding euphemisms like "passed away" that might confuse young children.
• Offer a simple explanation suited to your child’s age. For example, you might explain, "When someone dies, their body stops working, and they don’t feel or breathe anymore."

Acknowledge their feelings and your own

• Let your child know it’s okay to feel sad, confused, angry or scared. Acknowledge your own feelings, too, so they understand that grieving is a normal process.
• Reassure them that whatever they’re feeling is valid and that different people grieve in different ways.

Explain the permanence of death

• Younger children may struggle to understand that death is permanent, so it’s important to reinforce this gently. Be prepared to answer questions that may seem repetitive, as children process what this means over time.
• Remind them that it’s natural to miss the person and that memories and love keep them in our hearts.

Encourage open communication

• Create a safe space for questions and let them know it’s okay to talk about the person who died or share memories.
• Encourage them to ask questions, even if they’re difficult to answer, and respond as honestly as you can.

Offer reassurance and a sense of security

• Children may worry about other loved ones or their own safety after a loss. Reassure them about the safety of themselves and others, explaining that not all illnesses or accidents lead to death.
• Let them know that there are still many people who love and care for them.

Find age-appropriate ways to remember the person

• Suggest ways they can remember the loved one, such as drawing pictures, making a memory box, sharing stories, or visiting a special place.
• This can help them maintain a sense of connection and process their feelings.

Allow space for grieving in different ways

• Explain that people grieve differently, and it’s okay if they don’t feel sad all the time. Some children may need to play or act out, while others might cry or ask a lot of questions.
• Encourage activities that allow them to express their feelings, such as drawing, playing, or journaling.

Emphasize that it’s okay to seek support

• Reassure them that it’s okay to ask for help or talk to someone when they’re struggling. This might include talking to a counselor, family member, or friend.
• Normalize that sometimes, grief can be too heavy to carry alone, and it’s perfectly okay to reach out.
• If you think your student may not be reacting well to the loss, seek additional resources, such as the help of a school counselor, family doctor or local mental health professional.

Additional Resources:

• National Alliance for Children’s Grief: Talking to children about death and dying
• The Dougy Center: Grief Resouces and Support
• Sesame Street in Communities: Helping Kids Cope with Grief
• Child Mind Institute: Helping Children Cope with Grief